


No Longer Beautiful || Eddmatt \ Mattedd

by BruhByers



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Anxiety, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Cold, Cold Weather, Comfort/Angst, Complete, Depression, Dorks in Love, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Gay Panic, Hangover, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Love, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26842462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BruhByers/pseuds/BruhByers
Summary: I looked into the mirror, staring into my reflection. My hands tightened on the wooden dresser I was leaning on, my arms trembling ever so slightly. I sighed, my eyes glancing around my bedroom, landing on a framed photo of me, Edd, and Tom. My room was looking especially barren since all other photos of me were taken down and put in a cardboard box in the back of my closet.Those photos were one of the things that reminded me that I was ugly. Now the only thing that made sure I never forgot I was no longer beautiful was the mirror on top of my dresser, sitting there leaning against the wall behind it. I looked down and squeezed my eyes shut, inhaling deeply before I could bear looking at myself again.
Relationships: Edd & Matt (Eddsworld), Edd/Matt (Eddsworld)
Kudos: 20





	1. 1

I’ve stopped feeling beautiful. 

I looked into the mirror, staring into my reflection. My hands tightened on the wooden dresser I was leaning on, my arms trembling ever so slightly. I sighed, my eyes glancing around my bedroom, landing on a framed photo of me, Edd, and Tom. My room was looking especially barren since all other photos of me were taken down and put in a cardboard box in the back of my closet. 

Those photos were one of the things that reminded me that I was ugly. Now the only thing that made sure I never forgot I was no longer beautiful was the mirror on top of my dresser, sitting there leaning against the wall behind it. I looked down and squeezed my eyes shut, inhaling deeply before I could bear looking at myself again.  
I looked especially awful today; my hair was not yet combed and bags hung under my deep blue eyes, which were looking more of a dull, boring gray. I looked a little bit dead. I looked at myself for a few more seconds before pushing myself up off my dresser and changing quickly, making sure not to look in the mirror as I did so.  
I could hardly stand to see myself with my clothes on. How could I look at myself with them off? I hurried off out of my room, still pulling on my teal overcoat over my purple hoodie. 

“Hey, Matt!” Edd said as I stomped down the stairs, standing by the stove. Tom gave me a small head nod before looking back down at his coffee cup.

“Hi, Edd,” I said, looking down at my feet. “I uh, I’m going to go on a walk,” I continued, looking up at Edd, our eyes meeting. 

“Alright. Don’t you wanna have breakfast first though?” Edd asked me. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. 

“No thanks, Edd. I’m not hungry in the morning,” I replied, a fake smile on my face. I hated lying to Edd. He smiled back. 

“Ok, well, can I walk with you?” Edd asked, flipping off the stove and putting the eggs he was cooking onto a plate. I nodded. “Ok, I’m just gonna eat this quick.”

“Ok,” I said, shifting my weight onto my other foot. “I’m gonna wait for you outside,” I finished, turning to the white-painted front door and exiting out the house, sitting down on the first step. I was hungry out of my mind, but I didn’t want Edd to know. I didn’t want him to be worried.  
I sat on the step for a few minutes, listening to the wind blowing through rustling orange and yellow trees and cars pass through the neighborhood. 

“Ready?” I heard from behind me. I turned to face Edd, who had an adorable smile plastered on his face, his chin buried in his green scarf. I wish I was more like Edd- He’s very talented and very creative, and he cares for Tom and me. He always takes care of me when I’m sick and cheers me up when I’m down. He’s also very cute, and I adore his big brown eyes- The only thing I’ve ever had were my looks, but now I’ve realized I’ve never had ‘looks’ in the first place. I was just a blind narcissist. Now I have nothing. I’m not skilled like Edd, or tough like Tom. I’m not attractive or funny or smart, either.  
I sighed and smiled up at Edd, getting up of the step that I was sitting on.

“Yeah,” I replied, dusting myself off and straightening my coat. We walk side by side to the park, chatting and laughing as we admired the gorgeous trees.  
“I understand why you like the park so much now,” Edd said, grinning widely at me. We both sat on the park bench, looking at the geese in the pond in front of us.  
“How do you think they stand sitting in that water?” I asked Edd. “It’s so cold!” Edd laughed. Did he think I was stupid? Was it common knowledge to know why birds liked freezing cold water? 

“I’m not sure. Maybe they’re tougher than humans,” Edd proposed. I nodded and stuffed my freezing hands into my pockets. I always seemed to be much colder then Tom and Edd. They always said it was because I’m too small, but that didn’t really make sense, since I’m basically the same height as Edd. “Are you cold?” Edd asked as if I had read my mind. I felt my face flush with embarrassment as I nodded hesitantly. “Here-” Edd wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into a side hug.

“Thanks, Edd,” I said, a smile across my face. I nuzzled into him slightly, trying to ignore the freezing cold settling into my bones. I didn’t wanna leave until Edd wanted to. It was my idea, anyway. 

“Wow, you must really be cold, Matt. You’re shivering,” Edd said. My embarrassment got stronger and my face flushed.  
“S-sorry,” I mumbled. 

“Don’t be,” Edd said. “Come on, let’s go home,” He continued, getting up from the bench and holding out his hand for me to take, which I did hesitantly.  
“But-”

“No buts. Let’s go home,” Edd said. He wrapped his hand around my freezing fingers, leading me back to our house. Tom greeted us with a small wave as we walked inside. 

“Must be pretty chilly out there,” Tom said, a smirk on his face as he watched me shake. Edd shrugged as he pulled off his scarf. 

“A bit. Come on, Matt. you need a hot shower,” Edd said to me. I nodded and went upstairs quietly, going to the bathroom and locking the door behind me, before stripping off my clothes, making sure my eyes don’t meet the mirror. I hate the mirror, and the mirror hates me.


	2. 2

I was in the shower for at least 20 minutes, standing there in deep thought. Wow. Me? Thinking? It’s crazy, I know! I was known for being dumb, and I guess that’s pretty darn true.   
I exhaled deeply, drying myself with a towel before walking out to my room. Thankfully, Edd was still downstairs. I always made sure that the other guys wouldn’t ever see me without a shirt on. I don’t want them to make fun of me, though, that’d be unrealistic for Edd, but it always feels like he’s silently judging me anyway. I know that it’s probably not true, but, what if it is? There’s no way that I could be sure.   
` I finished off drying my hair and put on a purple hoodie and gray jeans, before flopping down on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I felt drained, and that I just wanted to go back to sleep even though I woke up just a little over two hours ago. I held my aching stomach and curled up into a ball on my side, facing the wall. I almost fell asleep before I heard a soft knock on my door.

“Can I come in?” I heard from the other side of the bedroom door. It was unmistakably Edd’s voice. 

“Yep,” I croaked, watching as he walked into my room and sat on the foot of my bed.   
“Hey, Matt. I wanted to ask you something,” He said, making me mentally panic. 

“Yeah?” I replied nervously, sitting up beside him, ignoring the empty pain inside my tummy. I couldn’t help but look over at him, anxious for what he was going to say next.

“Are you ok?” He asked me. My heart skipped a beat. 

“Yeah, yes, I-I’m ok!” I replied quickly, chuckling nervously as I flushed with nervousness, gripping onto my arm and squeezing it until my nails dug into my skin through the sweatshirt. 

“Matt,” Edd sighed, taking my tense hand away from my arm and holding it into his own, squeezing it gently. “Tell me what’s wrong,” He continued, his voice soft and soothing. I looked down at my feet, feeling unable to say anything like I was choking on my own rapidly beating heart. My head buzzed with unwanted thoughts like a billion bees decided that my brain would be the best place to make their hive. 

“I’m ok, Edd,” I said wearily, trying my hardest not to cry. Edd frowned and he took my chin with his finger. 

“Look at me, Matt,” He said, both stern and soft. “You can tell me anything. I’m here for you.” By this point, hot tears were streaming down my face, and I let out I stifled sob, letting Edd pull me into a warm hug. There was so much I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t get myself to.   
I cried into Edd’s chest, the pain in my stomach and the weakness in my muscles feeling stronger. We sat there for a while longer until my crying came to a complete stop and I just sat in his arms sniffling. I felt a little embarrassed crying- no, sobbing- in front of Edd, but I knew he’d understand. Edd was like that. 

“Remember Matt: I’m always here to talk, ok?” Edd whispered. I nodded, and he slowly let go of me, a sweet smile across his beautiful face. “I’ll be in my room. Come get me if you need anything,” He said before getting up and exiting my room, leaving me a blushing mess. I hated the feelings I had for Edd, but I couldn’t help it. He made me feel a way no one had ever made me feel ever before.   
I let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding and laid back down in my bed, covering myself up with my blanket and fell asleep shivering, waking up a few hours later around four, my toes and fingers numb from how cold I was. I got up and put on a pair of warm socks, taking my blanket with me downstairs to the living room couch. 

“You act like it’s the middle of winter,” Tom laughed as I sat down, wrapped up in the blanket like a human burrito. 

“It feels like it,” I replied. Tom laughed again. 

“I can turn up the heat, dude,” He offered. I nodded quickly. Tom got up and went to the thermometer, turning it up a few degrees. “Edd should be back soon. He just went grocery shopping,” Tom said, sitting back down on the couch next to me and played with his bass, Susan. I sat there, slowly getting a little warmer from the heating, the silence between me and Tom. 

“You haven’t been carrying a mirror around in a long time,” Tom stated. I shrugged. “Very odd for you, eh?”

“I-I guess,” I sighed, looking out the window behind the T.V, watching bright leaves falling off of their trees. 

“You seem different, Matt,” Tom said, and I shrugged once more. “You seem a little down. Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok,” I replied, fiddling with my fingernails under my blanket. 

“Ok,” He replied. “Oh! You wanna know what warms you up?” Tom asked, a grin spreading over his face. Before I could reply, he jumped up to the cabinet and running over with a bottle of vodka. He filled up his flask that he always carried around with him, before pushing the bottle into my shaking hand. 

“Are you sure I should drink this?” I asked hesitantly, peering at the clear liquid. 

“Uh hell yeah, dude! I mean, only if you wanna, of course. It always makes me feel better,” Tom said, taking a swig of his flask. A small smile crossed my face and I put the bottle to my lips, chugging the burning liquid down my throat. “Woah, Woah, Matt! Calm down, dude!” Tom laughed, taking the bottle from my hands and putting on the coffee table. I burst out laughing too. The vodka was disgusting, but it did make me feel warmer.   
We both kept on laughing, slowly getting drunker as the alcohol got absorbed into our bloodstreams. You could probably guess that Edd was pretty pissed with Tom when he got home around five-thirty for giving me alcohol.


	3. 3

“Edd’s homeeeeee!” I slurred, stumbling off the couch to Edd, collapsing into his arms and hugging him tightly, giggling loudly. Tom burst out laughing from the couch, putting a hand on his head. 

“Pffttt, Edward,” He laughed. Edd looked at him sternly.

“Tom, did you give Matt alcohol?!” He hissed, holding me tightly so I wouldn’t fall. 

“Ha! Yeah,” Tom smirked, taking a swig from his flask. Edd glared at him harshly, and both I and Tom continued to laugh like little girls. 

“Seriously, Tom?!?” He growled. “We’ll be having a little chat… but for now,” Edd turned to me, his face softening. “Come on Matt,” He said. He helped me upstairs, taking me to his room and sitting me down on his bed while he sat down on his desk chair. “Seriously, Matt? Vodka?” He asked me. I felt a pang of guilt run through my chest. 

“Mmhmm,” I mumbled, rubbing my hands together. “Tom said it would warm me up, and it did!” I said. “Plus, it made me feel better…” 

“What do you mean?” Edd asked, leaning a little closer. My heart pounded against my ribs, and the room felt like it was spinning around me. 

“Edd, I-” I’m sad. I haven’t eaten in days. I want help. I love you. I feel awful. I can’t even look at myself anymore. I choked on my words and put my head in my hands, rubbing my temples. “I’m g-gay, Edd,” I choked out, tears running down my face as I began to sob. Edd’s eyes widened in surprise for a minute, but he hopped out of the chair and sat down next to me, rubbing my back gently as I cried into my hands. 

“Matt, It’s ok!” Edd comforted. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay! I’ll support you no matter what. You’re my best friend, and always will be,” He said. I raised my head from my hands, looking at him with watery eyes. 

“We’re still friends?” I asked weakly, wiping my nose and cheeks with my hoodie sleeve. He nodded and grinned. 

“Of course we are. Nothing could ever change that.”

“Thanks, Edd.”

“Thanks for telling me.” I felt like I could kiss Edd right now, but I don’t think he’d appreciate that, so I pulled him into a hug, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You’re gonna have an awful hangover tomorrow,” Edd snickered.

“Hangover?” '

“Like when Tom wakes up in the morning and complains about his head,” Edd explained. 

“Oh,” I replied solemnly, before bursting into a fit of giggles, making Edd laugh too. I shoved him playfully as we both stood up, walking over to his bedroom door. 

“Wait,” Edd said. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you wanna tell Tom?” 

“No, not yet.”

“Ok,” Edd finished, we walked out to see Tom resting sleepily on the couch, his pitch-black eyes half-closed. Edd and I sat down next to him, watching whatever was on the television in front of us. I felt a little nervous being around Tom like he would randomly find out I was gay, but I know there was no way he could know. I picked at my fingernails, my leg bouncing up and down nervously. 

“Calm down, Matt. You’re ok,” Edd said, putting a hand down on my knee and putting pressure on it until the bouncing stopped. I could feel my face get a little hot, my mind traveling to far places with his touch. 

Why would he want to touch me? He knows I’m gay… 

I looked over to see his hazel-brown eyes looking straight at me, our eyes connecting as we both stared. I once again just really wanted to lean over and kiss him, letting Edd know how much I liked him. But I couldn’t.   
Edd doesn’t love me, I mean, how could he? Even if Edd was gay, I wouldn’t want him to end up with me. I want Edd to be happy, and that means dating someone fit for him. I sighed and looked away from Edd, disconnecting our eyes. 

“I’m going to my room,” I announced, grabbing my blanket (which was currently on the floor).

“Here, Matt, let me help you,” Edd offered, getting up after me, though before he could do anything I waved him off.   
“It’s ok Edd,” I said. “I got it.” 

That was a lie, since after almost tripping over the second step Edd ran over to my side, holding onto my side and helping me up the stairs. I felt useless and like I couldn’t do anything on my own, which is pretty true. He took me to his room and laid me down on my bed, draping the blanket I was holding over on top of me.   
“When’s the last time you ate, Matt,” He asked me, petting my ginger hair. Panic instantly rushed through me. Did Edd think I was fat? I mean, I wouldn’t doubt   
it.   
“I- uhh when I was with Tom,” I replied, guilt filling me and the lie burning my tongue. Edd nodded, petting my hair one more time before standing up straight. I couldn’t tell what his facial expression was, and I got a little more nervous trying to decode it. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Matt,” He said, before a reassuring smile crossed his face, making the anxiety in my chest subside. I smiled back and watched him exit my room, putting me into darkness as he closed the door behind him. I fell asleep after a bit of tossing and turning, only to wake up once again a few hours later.  
I groaned in frustration rolling over onto my side and looking at my alarm clock (That I seldom set any alarms with.) 12:15. I got up from the bed and hobbled down the stairs, clinging tightly to the railing before making my way to the kitchen, getting a glass of water and taking it back up to my room. I tried desperately to fall back asleep, but nothing was happening. I just kept tossing and turning, my brain unable to shut off. All I could do was to keep thinking. 

Why do Edd and Tom like me? Do they keep me around in pity? Do they want me to leave? Do they think I’m ugly? Fat? Am I even worth being here? Why am I so annoying?

I was starting to get a headache. I just wanted my brain to shut off and let me sleep, but it wouldn’t. I glanced once again at the clock, now reading 1:22, and then to my phone, picking it up and unlocking it. I tapped Edd’s name in my contacts and texted him a message.


	4. 4

_ Are you up? _

I knew he was in the room right across from mine, but I was too scared to go check. 

_ ‘Yeah, now I am’ _

_ ‘What’s up, Matt?’ _

_ ‘I can’t sleep’ _

_ ‘come to my room’ _

I felt my cheeks light up as I got out of bed, walking over across the hall, seeing Edd sitting up on his elbows in his bed. 

“Come on,” He said, scooting over towards the wall and holding up his blanket invitingly. My heartbeat sped up. 

“Are you sure?” I asked, hesitating. Edd smiled sleepily and nodded.

“Of course, Matt. If you’d like to,” Edd said. I smiled and crawled in next to him. 

“Thanks, Edd. You’re the best,” I said. I didn’t want to get to close to him to weird him out, but he pulled me closer to his chest, so I guess he didn’t care if I touched him or not. I nuzzled into Edd’s chest. I fell back asleep soon later, listening to Edd’s soft breaths. I slept through the rest of the entire night without waking up, which was surprising for me. I almost always got up at least once every night, which always really sucked. 

It felt so good to be in Edd’s arms, and I wish things could be like that every night. But like I said, Edd deserved better. He deserves the entire world. 

___

I woke up the next morning still in the arms of Edd, golden sunlight peeking through the blinds on Edd’s window. 

“Morning Matt,” Edd yawned, brushing my messy hair behind my ear.

“Morning,” I replied. Edd’s face looked red, and I bet mine was too. I felt like I was melting into Edd’s touch, and I wish Edd felt the same. I never wanted him to let me go, and I wanted to never stop listening to the soft beat of his heart. I felt unbelievably calm until I felt something slam into my head.

“Aghh,” I mumbled, putting my hands on my head, rubbing my temples. Edd sat up, his eyes wide. 

“Matt are you ok?” Edd asked. I nodded.

“Headache,” I groaned, voice filled with pain. I sat up too, feeling dizzier than I usually felt. Edd got up out of bed and came back with a small painkiller and a glass of water.

“Here,” He said to me. “This is why you don’t drink alcohol,” He said, watching as I took the pill. I nodded in agreement. “You should probably eat something like that, or you’ll get an upset stomach.”

I started to mentally panic.

“No thanks. I’m not hungry! I’m going to go on a walk! By Edd!” I got up from Edd’s bed and hurried down the stairs, waves of nausea hitting me like a train. My brain filled with sounds of static and my legs felt like lead, or like they would crack under my weight at any minute. I slipped on a pair of shoes before Edd could catch up to me and walked out the door, forgetting (or not caring) to bring a coat and hat. Too bad for me, since it was pretty darn cold out. 

I continued to walk hastily, heading to my second home. The park. I could here Edd call out my name from the house behind me, but I didn’t stop. I walked straight to the park and dropped myself onto the cold wooden bench, letting steamy tears rolling down my face, shaking in the cold. The park was pretty empty besides the next group of geese that inhabited the pond, squawking noisily at each other. 

I took a deep, shuttering breath, watching my breath fog up in front of my face, holding my shaking elbows close to my body. I squeezed my eyes shut and let more tears fall down my face. It felt like I was here for hours, though it was probably more like twenty minutes…

“Matt!” I looked up startled, seeing Edd and Tom running over me in full fall clothes. “Oh, Matt!” Edd exclaimed, taking off his coat and putting it around my shoulders. I looked at the pair with watery eyes, trembling. Edd kneeled and pulled me into a bear hug, with Tom giving a small warm smile and joining us. I tried to calm down my quivering body, but I couldn’t push the cold out of my system. 

“We were worried, Matt,” Tom said. “It’s not like you to run off.” I laughed shallowly. 

“Come on, Matt. Let’s go home,” Edd said, holding my freezing fingers to his cheek. He helped me up off the bench and into a standing position, my next numb from the cold. He held tightly onto my hand the entire way home as if he were scared that I’d run off again. He led me straight upstairs and to the bathroom. 

“You’re freezing. You need a bath,” Edd said, starting the water. I didn’t try to argue and just sat quietly on the toilet seat, picking my nails and shaking. “Here, get in,” Edd said a few minutes later, stepping away from the tub. I sighed and got up, holding the hem of my sweatshirt, looking at Edd expectantly to leave. He just stood there, watching my hands, making me go red in the face. 

“Edd.”

  
“Matt.”

“Edddddddddddd.”

We both chuckled. 


	5. 5

We both chuckled. 

“I need you to do something, Matt,” Edd said. Cold shivers ran down my spine as I nodded hesitantly. “I need you to show me your stomach.”

“What?! No! Edd!-” 

“Please! I asked Tom if you ate with him. He said you didn’t!”

“Edd I-”

  
“Matt! I’m so worried, please!” Edd cried out. The look in his eye made me feel weak, and I hesitantly pulled my purple sweatshirt and white undershirt off, letting Edd see my torso. I can’t believe I was doing this…

I heard Edd gasp out my name kneeling to get closer to my stomach. Embarrassment and fear spread throughout my body. I felt exposed and fat and vulnerable, and all other sorts of negative feelings. 

“Matt, what happened?” Edd asked, looking up at me with wide eyes. 

“Did I get that fat, Eds? I asked with a hollow chuckle, adverting my eyes from Edd’s. I wasn’t funny like the others. 

“Matt, look at yourself!” Edd exclaimed, pulling me into the mirror’s view. My breath hitched before I poked at my stomach. I couldn’t bear what I saw and turned to Edd, burying my head in his shoulder, quivering. Edd exhaled and patted my head. “Come on. You should get in the bath before the water gets cold,” He said. I made him turn him around when I took off my pants and slid into the water, sinking into its warmth. I cracked open my eyes and looked over to Edd, seeing him sitting on the toilet seat. 

“You know you don’t have to stay here, Edd,” I said. 

“I wanna stay,” Edd replied. His hazel-brown eyes had a strange light to them that I couldn’t describe. “You know, Matt? You’re super amazing. I wish you could see that,” he said. He got off the toilet seat and sat down on his knees by the bathtub, running water through my hair. “I just- I just don’t know why you’d starve yourself,” Edd said sadly, now rubbing shampoo in my long(ish) orange hair. 

“I don’t,” I said pulling my legs closer to my chest, curled up in a little ball. 

“Really, Matt? When’s the last time you ate? And don’t you _ dare _ lie to me!” Edd exclaimed, the frustration in his voice making me flinch and tense up. I felt like I could cry if I’d let myself. 

“I-” I had to think back “Four? Five? I-I don’t know, Edd,” I whimpered, choking up on my sadness. I bet he could hear it in my voice. I could hear Edd sigh, and that made me even more scared. I hid my face in my arms. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Edd!”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, now washing the shampoo from my hair. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m just worried about you. Please look at me.” I did as he said, meeting his eyes. He put a hand on my cheek and rubbed his thumb over my chapped lips softly. I felt my heart beat faster and faster. 

He didn’t say anything. just smiled at me. 

“What is it, Edd?” I asked after a minute or two, my cheeks hot.

“Nothing, Matt. You’re just super awesome. We’re gonna help you get better, ok?” 

“Ok,” I replied, giving Edd a weak smile in return to his soft one. 

I got out of the bathtub a while later, wrapping a towel around myself, avoiding eye contact with Edd. I kinda hated the fact knowing that he was looking at me. I went and changed in my room, into another purple hoodie from my vast collection. I felt like jello, my legs dragging as I got dressed and walked weakly down the hallway. My stomach stabbed with pain, but I ignored it and I walked over in front of Tom. 

“Tom?” I said, crossing my arms nervously, legs shaking violently. “I have to tell you something.”  
“Yeah, Matt. What is it?” Tom asked, looking up at him from the dining room table, sipping at his bitter black coffee. My heart started to pound. What if it hates me after telling him? What if Tom doesn’t want to be my friend anymore? I sighed. 

“I’m gay,” I whimpered, hanging my head. I was afraid that I hadn’t yet gotten a response, but when I heard the chair scrape against the tiled floor and his arms wrap around me, I knew it was ok. 

“Thanks for telling me,” Tom whispered, arms wrapped tightly around me as if he’d lose me if he didn’t. 

“Are you ok with it?”

“Of course I am, Matt. Why wouldn’t I be?” Tom asked. His warm breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine. I shrugged. 

“I guess I just thought you might be homophobic,” I sighed. Tom chuckled.

“I could never! Plus, even if I were, I could never stop being your friend. You’re a cool dude, Matt,” Tom said, pulling away from the hug and holding my shoulders. I grin formed itself over my face, and I pulled Tom in for another hug. 

“Thanks, Tom,” I sniffled happily. We separated after a few seconds, and Tom pat me on the shoulder before sitting back down at the table. 

“Are you hungry? I can ask Edd to make something,” Tom said. I shook my head briskly. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I’ll be in my room if you need me,” I said, heading up the stairs and to my room, flopping on my bed tiredly. I felt sick and drained, dull aching in my stomach. 

Of course, Tom wouldn’t need me I’m the most useless person in this house. No, useless was an understatement. I felt like a burden to Edd and Tom. 

I sighed and glanced over at the mirror on top of my dresser, cringing at what I saw. I couldn’t stand looking at myself, and got up and took the mirror down, sliding it under my bed so I wouldn’t have to see myself.   
I spent the next few hours laying on my bed, unmoving and exhausted, listening to Edd and Tom talk from downstairs. I couldn’t make out anything they were saying, but the calm hums of their voices lulled me into a half-conscious state, which was only broken when I heard knuckles rasp against my bedroom door. 


	6. 6

“Come in,” I said hoarsely, my throat horridly dry. Edd walked in, his face worried. 

“Hey Matt,” Edd said. “Come have dinner with me and Tom.” 

“But it’s only like, noon!” 

“It’s five…”

“Oh,” I mumbled, rubbing my tired eyes. 

“Come on,” Edd said again, his voice a little sterner. 

“No thanks, Edd. I’m not hungry.”

“I know that you’re lying!”

“But-”

“Matt, please!” Edd pleaded. I sighed and looked down, getting up from my bed, letting Edd drag me down the stairs. The smell of food made me feel sick. Not because Edd was a bad cook, though, he was quite the opposite. 

I stayed silent as Edd put a plate in front of me. I can’t believe Edd was doing this to me. I kept staring at my plate like if I sat here long enough Edd would let me leave, though unfortunately, that was not the case. 

“Eat, Matt,” Edd said, putting a hand on my shaking shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the stares I was getting from Tom and Edd. “Ma-”

“I can’t do this, Edd!” I exclaimed, interrupting Edd. I could feel tears starting to build up in my eyes.

“Yes, you can!”

“No! I can’t! I-” I good up suddenly from the table, my chair tipping over. “I…” I felt my legs give out from underneath me, and blackness surrounded my vision, ringing filling my head. All I could make out from my surroundings were disembodied shouts and voices, sirens coming from somewhere. 

_ You’ll be ok _

_ Please wake up _

_ Edd he’ll be ok _

_ I- I love him! _

_ I know _

_ Matt… _

_ He’s tough  _

  
  


_ Tom. _

_ Check his vitals _

_ This is all my fault _

_ Edd it’s not your fault _

_ Please wake up _

_ You’re too important to me _

_ Please… _

_ ___ _

  
  


“...Edd?..” I mumbled hoarsely, cracking open my heavy eyes. 

“Matt! Oh my God, Matt! You’re ok!” Edd exclaimed, tears running down his soft cheeks. I felt him wrap both of his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. “Oh, Matt!” Edd sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand as we pulled apart. 

“What is wrong, Edd?” I asked, lifting a hand to wipe away tears from Edd’s face. 

“I thought you were going to die,” Edd whimpered, nuzzling into my palm, his usually shiny and excited eyes looking at me in pain. The whites of them were more red than white. 

“What?”

“You passed out. It was the scariest moment of my life,” He explained, giving a sad and pained chuckle. Guilt panged in my chest. 

“I’m sorry, Edd,” I said, looking down at my lap, which was covered in a thin white blanket. I wasn’t in my hoodie and jeans anymore but in a thin white blue gown. 

“Don’t be,” Edd replied, wiping his nose once more, giving me a weak but soothing smile. I returned the favor.

“Is Tom here?” 

“Yeah, he’s getting us breakfast.”  
“Breakfast? I thought it was dinner time.”

“Yeah. You were out a-all yesterday,” Edd sniffed, more tears falling from his eyes. “It was the worst day I’ve ever had. I bet I can say the same for Tom. We were so scared for you. We love you a lot, Matt. _I_ love you,” Edd said, voice going quiet as he looked deeply into his eyes. He slowly leaned forward, meeting our lips together for a few seconds before pulling away. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”  
“And you don’t know how long I’ve wanted you to do that,” I replied, a bright smile crossing my face as I took his hand and kissed him again. “I love you too, Edd.”

___

Tom came back with breakfast a few minutes later, almost dropping it when he saw me awake. 

“Matt!” He exclaimed, running over and putting the food down before pulling me into a bear hug. “You’re finally awake! I knew you’d be ok!” Tom’s almost always bored-looking eyes were now squinted up with joy and relief. Edd smiled and joined our hug. 

I’ve never felt so loved in my entire life, and I felt the most cared about then I’ve ever been. The hug was short since a doctor and a nurse came running inside. 

“Mr. Harrison! You’re awake,” The nurse said, checking my heartbeat, body temperature, respiration rate, and blood pressure (which was still pretty low). Edd pursed his lips and watched the doctor and the nurse, squeezing my hand. 

“Ok Matthew,” The doctor said. “I’m Mr. Johnston. We’ll need to get your weight. Do you think you can stand?” He asked. I thought for a moment. 

I felt sick as hell, but I thought I could do it… though, I wasn’t excited to get my weight checked. What if I was still too fat? The nurse unhooked a tube in my arm, and Edd helped me up from the bed and held me by my waist, and the nurse leads us to a scale. 

“I’m scared,” I whimpered, looking at the scale, hesitant to step onto it. 

“It’s ok, you don’t even have to look,” Edd said, giving me an encouraging smile. I took a shaky breath, and stepped on the scale, closing my eyes and kept them squeezed shut. My knees were trembling, and I felt light-headed. “It’s over,” Edd whispered, and I leaned back into his arms. He held me in his arms, rubbing circles in my back. I felt so self-conscious in just a hospital gown, and I could feel Edd’s eyes on my body. 

Edd and the nurse helped me back to my bed, and I sighed in relief, sinking into the pretty uncomfortable mattress. The nurse put the tube back into my arm, and Edd thanked her. 

“We’ll be right back,” Mr. Johnston announced and walked out with the nurse.

“How are you feeling?” Tom asked, petting my hair out of my face. “You look pretty pale…” I chuckled at that, rubbing my eyes with the hand that Edd wasn’t holding. 

“I think I’m ok,” I said hoarsely, smiling with my chapped lips. “Do you have water?” Tom nodded and got up from the stiff plastic chair he was sitting in, and came back with a plastic water cup. Edd helped me drink it, and the cool water felt good down my throat. 

“We have good news and bad news,” The doctor said, walking back inside the room. “What would you like to hear first?”


	7. 7

“Uhhh,” Edd sighed. “Give us the good news…?” 

“Alright,” The doctor hummed. “Good news. Matthew has no health conditions besides malnutrition and he’s extremely underweight, though he will be completely fine.” my heart pounded. Extremely underweight? But I’m not even that thin!

“And the bad news?” Tom asked.

“Like I said Matthew, is very underweight. Matt’s only 115 pounds. At his height, he should be at least 150 to 160 pounds to be a healthy weight. I covered my face with my hands. I knew this weight was bad, and I should weigh more, but I still feel too fat. I still wanted to be thinner. I felt Tom and Edd’s arms wrap around me, holding me tight. 

“I-I can’t do that! I don’t wanna be fat!” I exclaimed, shaking in fear, tears stinging my eyes. 

“Matthew, you are extremely underweight,” The doctor said sternly, tapping his pen across his clipboard. 

“I know, but I don’t feel underweight! I feel fat, a-and-” I let out a dry sob. “I can’t even look at myself. I can’t gain that much weight!”  
“If you keep this behavior up, you’ll die,” Mr. Johnston said. My eyes widened. Die. I could die. The grip Matt and Edd had on me tightened, and I heard Edd cry a little. “You will have to gain that weight.” I started to cry, leaning my head against Edd’s chest, clinging onto his sweatshirt. Mr. Johnston’s face softened, and he walked a little closer to me. “You’ll be ok, Matthew.”

___

I was released a few days later from the hospital, hooked to a feeding tube for a while before I was willing to eat food by myself. I threw up a few times, but eventually was able to keep food down and was finally able to go home. Edd immediately sat me down at the dinner table and started cooking, telling me not to leave. I sighed and looked down at my stomach, poking my stomach. Tom walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. 

“Matt, you’re not fat. You know what the doctor said,” Tom said, pursing his lips. 

“Yeah,” I sighed breathily. “I just… I know what the doctor said, it just doesn’t make sense…” I continued, continuing to feel my stomach. The doctors made me gain a few pounds before I could leave, and made me promise to keep those pounds. Now I weighed 118. Edd and Tom were proud of me, but I just felt fat and sick and ugly. 

Tom chatted with me while Edd cooked, distracting me from the thought of my body and the fact that I’d have to eat soon. We shared some jokes and our favorite memories before Edd came walking over to the dinner table with a big pot in his hands.

“I made chicken noodle soup! Your favorite!” Edd said. I felt sick and scared, but knowing that edd was thinking of me made my heart leap. Edd’s expression softened as he put the pot down, and he put a hand on my shoulder. “It’ll be ok, Matt,” Edd said, going back to the kitchen and bringing three bowls and spoons. I smiled weakly as Edd filled a bowl and handed it to me, watching him do the same for Tom.

“Yeah, Matt. You don’t have to eat all of it, just try your best. Edd and I are proud of you no matter what,” Tom added. I smiled wearily, staring at the bowl for a few minutes before taking a spoonful of broth and eating it slowly. Edd gave me a thumbs up, which made me a little embarrassed, but I continued to eat his soup. I finished about half of the bowl before pushing it away, feeling sick and fat and disgusting. 

“I’m all done,” I sighed. The others looked up at me and smiled, making my stomach twist. I hated how nice they were being to me like I would break into a million pieces if they did anything at all. I think they just pitied me. 

I got up from the dinner table and went to the living room, falling back onto the couch, using the remote to switch on the TV, and watching whatever channel was on. I wasn’t allowed to go to the bathroom thirty minutes after eating and I didn’t feel like sitting in my room, so this was my best bet. 

I watched the woman on the T.V talk about a mysterious army base that was discovered and how it was going to rain tomorrow, and I listened mindlessly to her monotone voice. I felt the couch beside me sink with a bit of pressure a few minutes later, and glanced over to see Edd. Self-deprecating thoughts swirled around in my head. 

Edd scooted a little closer and I could feel his eyes boring into me. I couldn’t help but feel extremely self-conscious, though the feeling quickly turned into a puddle of warmth when I felt his arms wrap around me. I hugged him back and melted into his touch, feeling my body being pulled closer to his. He laid back and I was laying on top of him, my body laying in between his legs and my head on his beating chest. The feelings of his strong arms around my waist made my heart feel like it was exploding with a warm heat that traveled throughout my body. 

“Edd,” I said softly, nuzzling against his chest. He hummed in reply, rubbing my back softly, making my stomach flutter. He cracked open an eye and peered down at me, a smile spreading across his cheeks. 

“Matt,” He said my name, his tone a bit odd. I couldn’t describe the gleam in his eyes as he stared into my mine. “Can I kiss you?” My eyes widened, and I nodded briskly. I could feel warmth traveling up to my cheeks. 

Edd put his hands on my face and leaned in, putting his lips against mine before slowly separating. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted him to kiss me again. I knew I had to take the initiative this time, and leaned back in. Our kiss this time was a little more passionate, our lips moving together with broken rhythm, though it was still soft. 

“I love you, Edd,” I whispered as we pulled apart to catch our breath.

“I love you too. I always have,” He replied. I smiled and buried my face into his chest and listened to his rapid heartbeat, feeling his hands through my hair. 

I felt more pressure on the couch and knew it was Tom because he started talking to Edd about some band that he liked. They chatted for a while, and I began to doze off in Edd’s arms. Edd chuckled and continued to pet my hair until I fell asleep. 


	8. 8

Edd must’ve taken me to his room after I fell asleep. I woke up under his covers and with his arm draped over my waist, sunbeams pouring through the blinds of his green-themed room. I yawned and stretched under his grasp, rolling over to face the sleeping man next to me. The sight of him made me smile, and I laid there staring at him adoringly until he woke up. 

“Hey, Matt,” He yawned, eyes locked into mine. 

“Morning,” I replied, unable to control the large grin on my face. He grinned back, leaning closer to kiss me on my forehead. I felt my face and neck flush with heat. 

“Y’know,” He started, sitting up against the headboard. I repeated his action, worried about what he was gonna say. “I like you, Matt. Like, I REALLY like you,” He continued, looking into my eyes. “Will you be my boyfriend?”  
“Yes, of course!” I replied excitedly. I was smiling like crazy, and he was too. He wrapped his arms around me and left gentle kisses on my neck, making me giggle.

“I know things seem tough right now, but you’ll get through it. I’ll be with you forever, even if you don’t want to be my boyfriend anymore. You’ll still be my best friend forever,” Edd said, his warm breath making my skin tingle. 

“I will always love you, Edd!” I exclaimed, pulling away slightly so that I could see his face, before smashing our lips together. It felt beyond amazing to be Edd’s, and for him to be mine. Edd kissed back with just as much passion as he rubbed his hands up my sweatshirt and along the side of my body. I knew he could feel my ribs and stomach, but surprisingly, I didn’t seem to care too much. All I cared about was Edd. Our lips separated for a second for a quick breath before connecting once more. 

He ran his tongue across my lip, and I opened my mouth. I’ve never felt the way I was feeling right now, but it felt amazing. I moaned softly as Edd propped up my legs against his hips, our make-out session being interrupted as he pulled apart to pull my shirt up. 

“Wait!” I exclaimed. “Please don’t judge me!” Edd smiled softly and kissed me gently. 

“I could never, Matt. No matter what you look like I will never judge you. I think you’re beautiful,” He said, voice a little above a calming whisper. I smiled and nodded as he continued to lift my hoodie and putting it over my head, tossing it softly to the side. My breath hitched as he trailed kisses down my chest and torso.

“E-Edd,” I gasped, my skin tingling every time he left a new kiss. 

“I love you. I love you so much,” He replied, rubbing a hand up my chest as he continued to leave little kisses all over my body. I entangled my hands into his hair, bringing his lips back up onto mine, kissing him passionately until we had to separate to catch our breath. I smiled at him, wrapping my bare arms around him, squeezing him as tightly as I could. 

“I love you more.”

Thats the end! (For now hahahahaha) Thanks for reading! I might make a second story someday, but I wanna start a different one right now!


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